Daddy

Chase was the one who took Cannon to the doctor’s office on that dreadful day.  He was taking him in for a stuffy nose that was it. 

Chase is one who sees the positive in any and all situations.  He also is one who needs minimum information possible to prevent him from getting stressed.  As I would find information and read it aloud many times he would ask me to stop.  It is overwhelming, but I am one who needs to go in as prepared as possible where Chase just needs things to occur so he can go with the flow.  When he called me to tell me what the doctor said.  I could hear in him the stress.  Due to the sound of stress in his voice I knew the seriousness of it all was intense.  When I called with the results of all the testing Chase was speechless.  All he could say was “I’m sorry.”  I know that each person handles grief in his/her own way and Chase’s way of handling it is avoidance.  Avoid talking about it, avoid reading about it, avoid looking at it as though it is real.  But as awful as it is, it is real.  I get frustrated and then he gets frustrated because he has no fear, his ultimate faith and trust is that Cannon is in God’s hands and although I too trust my Father it is a bit more difficult for me to remain calm about it.  But that is just how my Chase is. 

He is calm. 

He is accepting of that fact that this situation is out of our hands, out of our control, he understands there is nothing we can do but accept Cannon’s diagnoses and go on to solve it the best we can.  We are just instruments of God. 

I am opposite.  I ask him a million times, will it be okay?  He ALWAYS says “It will be okay bud.”  I don’t even have to ask him and he will say, “It will be okay bud.”  Never frustrated but just as though it is his job to make sure that all of this will be okay.

I wanted to look back on all of this when it is finished and have Cannon know what his daddy felt because we are so different yet he is still his son.  Cannon is still his boy.  Cannon loves his daddy dearly, when daddy walks into the room Cannon lights up and starts talking so loud and so excited.  His first laugh was at his daddy.  His first conversation was with daddy.  He LOVES his daddy! 

So here is Chase’s letter to Cannon! 

We love you Daddy!

Cannon,

Hey little buddy!  I wanted you to know how much I care about you and love you! 

When I first heard what the doctor was saying about your head I was scared for you.  I didn’t know what was going to happen but I knew that everything was going to be okay because God is faithful.  When the results came back confirming what the doctor said I was scared out of my mind.  I couldn’t picture what all you would have to go through being so small.  Then when we found out that our only option was surgery I needed to know you were going to be okay.  When we heard about the first procedure I was devastated.  We had to find another option.

I trusted God would be with us every day and every moment through this.  As the first surgery date neared, I was so hopeful that there would not be a need to reschedule.  I wanted to take your sickness away so that you could be strong and healthy.  You are so courageous!  You fought through that and now as another surgery date is so close I want you to know that I love you with all of my heart. 

Your mommy, daddy and brother will be there with you.  We know that God will protect you and guard you.  We trust that the surgeon’s hands will become God’s hands touching you with His healing grace and power.  We hope that the procedure will be quick and easy so we can get you home to keep on playing! 

I love you very much! 

Your Best Friend,

Daddy