7:35am~I led the way to the elevators that would separate us from my baby. We entered the waiting room and checked in. I wanted a spot where there would be a distraction. I needed my mind to escape. We all found seats in front of a TV. The seats were the exact same as when we had been there for Chandler’s surgery years previous. We sat. Quiet at first and then the conversations started. I was grateful. Grateful for the distractions. Grateful that our family was there. Although we took up a lot of space there were others with large families there too. We had those who loved us and Cannon so much. They had been there through it all. Chandler was there too. Although some had questioned my thoughts of taking him I had decided that I would just wing it and if he got antsy or too much to handle then someone could take him but he too was a trooper. There was no where else he wanted to be but there. Trust me, I asked. Chandler kept the anticipation at bay with his constant excitement of what the waiting room held as far as activities to participate in and places to explore. We visited about things happening or funny stories. Occasionally, I would be laughing at Chandler or a story someone was sharing and suddenly I would feel a pang of guilt. Guilt at the fact that here I was laughing while my baby was upstairs being prepped for surgery. I stopped. I asked for guidance. I asked God that he would be there every single step of the way, with every cut and removal of skin and bone. Please let there be no complications. Please let him survive this. Please protect my Cannon.
8:50am~ “Will the parents of Cannon please come forward.” We jumped, we knew that we would be receiving updates but it seemed like we had just gotten settled and yet in some ways it felt like we had been there forever. The receptionist told us to go into the first room and wait for the phone to ring. Chase sat. I paced. The phone rang. Chase was closest, he answered and then tried to hold it so we both could hear. One of the kind OR nurses shared “Cannon is prepped and ready. He is asleep and they have all of his monitors and IVs ready. Surgery is starting. The next update will probably be in an hour and half. He’s doing great mom and dad.” That was it. I wanted to cry. I wanted to collapse. But instead we opened the door from the conference room and there were what seemed like all eyes on us. They too, were waiting and I knew in that instant there was no need to cry we should rejoice. Cannon was doing well and it was all about to begin. This is what we had been looking to since this journey started. We updated everyone and I sat down into the chair. Finally for the first time this morning I felt hungry. I decided to take Chandler to the gift shop to pick something out for Cannon and to get something to eat. But after the gift shop, the anxiety returned and I felt like I had been gone too long so we returned with nothing to eat. My mom had been so thoughtful to pack enough snacks for an army so we did eat, but I knew in my heart of hearts I could not leave again because there was no way I wanted to miss a thing.
10:30am~”Will the parents of Cannon please come forward.” Did they just say Cannon? Yes! This is it! We again entered the room and this time I sat while Chase paced. The phone rang, I tried to turn the volume up as loud as possible but I didn’t want to miss what the nurse was saying. She started “The doctor is finished. The bone is completely removed. Cannon did great!” I stopped. I took a breath. There were so many questions racing through my brain but it was like they would not form.
Finally I asked “Did he need a blood transfusion?”
“No. He did lose a lot of blood but there was no need for a blood transfusion.”
“Did they make one incision or two?” We all along had planned on Cannon having two incisions but due to the severity of the shaping of his head and indentations on the top of Cannon’s head the doctor thought it might be possible to just need one incision.
“The doctor attempted one at first, but then just to be sure he did go ahead and make two.”
“Did they just remove the one strip of bone or did he need to remove more?”
“They did completely remove the one strip as well as some on the sides, but the doctor will come down in about forty-five minutes to visit with you.”
“Is he awake yet?” In my mind if he was awake he would want me there crying out for his mommy and I wanted to be so badly.
“Not yet, they are just starting to wean him off of everything. He will be awake soon but we promise to take care of him mom.”
Forty-five minutes...
Forty-five minutes...
We exited the conference room together and I immediately started shaking. Not because I was cold but because it was finished. It was over. All the anxiety. All the anticipation. All the worry. All the doubt. All the unknown. All eyes turned toward us. They were waiting. We updated everyone with excitement in our hearts and tears in our eyes, we knew and they knew what this all meant. There were lots of questions. It was over!
10:50am~ I had waited so long. I needed to pump. But I was so afraid to leave. What if something happened? What if I wasn’t available? This would be one of the longest twenty minutes ever, just because I was alone in a cold and sterile room. Left alone with my worries and fears. Alone with my thoughts and tears. Finally after fifteen minutes I could endure no more. I made a bottle for Cannon and went back to the waiting room. There had been no update. I hadn’t missed a beat!
11:20am~ “Will the parents of Cannon please come forward.” With every phone call the receptionist answered I would jump and yet now it was for us again! I could not wait to talk to the surgeon he had made a promise and he had held true to that. I wanted to hug him. I wanted to tell him about all my prayers for him. I wanted to thank him. He entered after lots of silence in that waiting room among Chase and I. Chase and I stood and shook his hands and thanked him. He told us all about the surgery. He had removed the large strip of bone and upon removal immediately Cannon’s brain filled the space. Almost like it was taking a full breath for the first time. It was then that he needed to allow more space so he removed the four triangular strips of bone on the sides, two on each side, barrel staves. He was excited about the fact that Cannon’s brain had been so relieved of pressure upon removal of the bone. So were we. We asked if he thought Cannon would have felt that pressure. Although there is no way for sure to tell, the way the brain expanded immediately would indicate possibly. We then asked many more questions about the details of the procedure, what would happen to Cannon’s bone that was removed, his blood loss, his incisions and care for them, what to expect immediate post surgery and again thanked him so much for all he had done. It was then sitting in that chair that I felt complete relief. We had made the best possible choice and I truly felt as though God all along was right there guiding us to this man, this procedure, this timing. Thank you Father! He finished and we stood. It was over! We exited and this time there were many anxious teary eyes of those waiting for us. We shared all the details and then sat to wait more until we could see him. There was no more pressure! There was no more worry over surgery! There was no more second thoughts! This is what needed to be done and it was that...
done!
***Note Surgery Date: June 22, 2012
***Cannon's Age at Surgery: 4 months 6 days
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