Postponed

Cannon was scheduled for surgery on Monday, June 4th.  Well that day has come and passed and we did not have surgery. 

I have questioned so often why and I do not understand.  I am crushed and heart broken as I had aimed for that date, prayed for that date, others were praying and yet for reasons unknown to us we were not to have surgery on the fourth.

Over Memorial Day weekend Cannon was not feeling well.  As Saturday progressed and Cannon did not get better we decided to head to immediate care, where the doctor diagnosed him with a double ear infection needing to be treated with antibiotics and recommended some probiotics for his tummy troubles.  I asked her if she thought that surgery would still be able to take place and she thought there would be no worries, but recommended that we schedule a follow up with our regular doctor and contact the surgeon’s office on Tuesday just to let them know.  By Saturday evening though Cannon started running a temperature and was sounding very congested. 

I started stressing.  The pit that was in my stomach that brought on a constant nauseated feeling during all of the stress of tests, diagnoses, appointments and decisions returned.  I had begged the scheduler to promise that surgery would not need to be postponed due to the lack of beds or operating room space and yet here we were knowing that because of sickness surgery would be postponed.

Once again though I was hopeful.  So hopeful.

After all, the immediate care doctor thought there should not be an issue but she hadn’t seen Cannon with all the symptoms that became present with his cold.  As the weekend drew to a close, I silently knew in my heart that surgery on June 4th would not happen.

When I called on Tuesday, the surgeon's office informed us that Cannon definitely would not have surgery on the fourth due to his ear infection, his need of an antibiotic, his cold and congestion.  The nurse also informed us that we would need to get clearance from our pediatrician prior to a reschedule.  We have not received clearance because Cannon was still stuffy sounding on June 4th at our follow up, but the surgeon seeing the urgency of the situation has rescheduled for Friday, June 22nd in hopes that Cannon will be healthy and be clear of infection, not need medication and will have not had congestion, coughing or breathing troubles for at minimum two weeks.  We will return to seek clearance from our pediatrician on the 20th. 

We were so hopeful that there would not be a need to reschedule, however, we understand the importance that Cannon MUST be healthy in order to have the most successful surgery, but we beg and plead that Cannon can stay healthy so that we may put surgery behind us.  We so gratefully would appreciate prayers for this to be the case, as our time is running out for the endoscopic surgery to be an option. 

Once again we wait, only being able to pray and hope. 

We will hold onto our hope that Cannon will stay healthy but the undo stress that comes with avoiding all possible group situations, limiting visitors and constantly wondering if one of us comes down with something will he be protected has truly become unnerving.  Unfortunately, waiting also leaves me to stress and worry more, research and rethink more about things that I thought I was done thinking about.

In some ways now that the 22nd draws closer, I am grateful.  I am grateful for more snuggle time, I am grateful for more smothering kisses on Cannon’s head, I am grateful that I have gotten to have more time pre-surgery.  However, in many ways I am anxious.  I am anxious about another postponement, I am anxious that maybe this isn’t the choice we are to make, I am anxious that we cannot protect Cannon enough prior to surgery from illness or sickness.  I also get saddened by the thoughts that at this point we could have had the operation, started and been a week into helmet therapy.  I also get sad when people comment on what a cutie Cannon is and I wonder in a month how people will react?  Will they just stare?  Will they take pity?  Will they ask?  Will they wonder?  Will they know what we have gone through?