Chandler

When I first found out I was pregnant I worried about Chandler adjusting to being a brother.  He was the first grandbaby on both sides of the family and he was treated like a prince (as he should be).  I loved that Chandler had gotten to experience the sole role of being an only child.  I had always planned on having three little loves running around but then with Chandler’s early birth and complications from being premature I had convinced myself that maybe we should just have one precious little one.  Then we found out I was expecting and I cried.  Surely Chandler would be okay right?  When I verbalized these thoughts, my mom ever so gently reminded me that I had survived my childhood and it did include my little brother!

I know it was all unreal to Chandler as to how his world would change and what was happening inside of mommy but we were shocked when we took him to our first ultrasound and he immediately responded by stating that there was a baby inside of mommy’s tummy and identified all the parts all the while knowing that it was mommy’s new baby. We also immediately began discussing the possibility of names.  We wanted him to be a part of it all hoping that the bonding could start early so that he would “survive” being a brother.  I bought books and we watched movies about new babies joining families and we constantly talked about the new baby as if he/she was a present part of our lives. 



Chandler kissing my belly!



The first time Chandler felt our little one kick, Chandler laughed and laughed and then he wanted to feel it again and again and again.  Then one day as I was sitting on the floor he put his feet on my belly.  I asked what he was doing and he told me he was kicking the baby back!  He loved his new baby and they had yet to even meet.  He would constantly kiss my belly, talk to my belly and put his hands on my belly waiting for the baby to kick and when he would feel the kicks and punches his eyes would light up and he would then ask me to “feel his baby”.  He would move his tummy in and out as fast as he could imitating the feeling of the baby kicking! 

As we prepared the nursery and would pull things out we made such a big deal about how this once belonged to him or how he once used this as a baby.  He would get so very excited to help us clean things and would pick out toys that he could share with the baby.

Two days prior to Cannon's arrival

When I went on bed rest Chandler was my strong hold.  Although he still had to attend daycare, as I was not allowed to care for him full time, he would bring stacks of books for us to read together when he got home.  He became my encouragement.  I lived for the times that we would nap together. I treasured all of the times when it was just the two of us because I knew that when the new baby came it would be new and different.  One evening, I went to read Chandler his new Valentine’s book on the couch when suddenly my water broke and Chandler’s life would forever be changed.  When Cannon was in the NICU Chandler was not allowed to see his brother but he was already protective, informing people that his brother’s name was indeed not Cannon but Cooper (Cooper was our other name choice). 

Boy did that take some convincing!



First time seeing Cannon!  Chandler was SO excited!







   



 

Finally when we were moved to the Special Care Unit Chandler was able to see his brother for the first time.  It was the sweetest moment, one that I will always treasure!  Chandler was a big brother and he was immediately in love with his new brother!   

 




Our first day home!

 Chandler did not get to revisit us while in the special care unit because he came down with a bad cough.  But every night we would call to talk to him and he was ready to come home and he was ready to see his brother, Cannon (pronounced Can-g-en according to Chandler).  The day we were finally released Chandler could not stop jumping he was just bursting with excitement for us all to be together. 



He wanted to be a part of EVERYTHING!

 

Once home, Chandler would constantly ask, "Can I hold baby Cangen?" Too sweet!



Nothing was problematic.  Cannon spit up, “Oops, momma Cannon spit up.  We need a burp rag”.  “Oops momma, Cannon poo-pooed.  We need a diaper.”  When Cannon would make a mess, spit up or get frustrated Chandler would ever so gently remind me “Don’t worry momma that is just what babies do!”  HA!  What a baby pro he had become!

Chandler also was so very proud that Cannon would wear his clothes, he would say “Look momma, Cannon looks so cute!  I wore that when I was a baby!”  Whether or not he did we would always agree! 

Chandler also ALWAYS wanted us to take a picture of Cannon and himself because “Look at us momma!  Aren’t we cute?  Hurry and take our picture!”  I would then have to proceed to take multiple pictures of them and then show Chandler and he would be so proud! 

Being silly and having fun~just being brothers!

 



Chandler was taught very early on that we cannot touch Cannon’s hands so he touches and plays with his feet, he constantly is kissing them or kissing his head because he LOVES him so much.  Chandler nightly is so adamant that he must take a bath with Cannon and he reminds you constantly.  He also will get so upset if someone else tries to “talk” with Cannon when Chandler is talking to him.  He loves to make Cannon smile and makes it his job to inform me when Cannon is crying and why!  Chandler takes his job so seriously!  It is absolutely precious!  I will treasure all of this forever (and of course remind him of how much he loves his brother when he doesn’t feel all the love)!

Kissing and hugging Cannon. Notice the matching outfits!

Chandler was and is a changed little guy.  He is protective.  He is loving.  He is a big brother and he loves it!  I look at my two boys while they sleep and I think of how truly blessed I am.  My boys are beautiful.  My boys are wonderful.  My boys are perfect! 



Chandler has become my constant source of hope during this craniosynostosis trial.  I hold him forever and just thank God!  He has seen me cry, he has seen me stressed, he has seen me worried but all throughout it he will remind me “Momma put on a happy face”, “Momma dance with me!”, “Momma, but I love you.”, “Momma can I have a kiss and hug?”.  It is like he senses it.  He knows that something is not right and yet God gave us our precious Chandler to be our source of comedic relief during this situation, to give us a precious reason to keep on going, to realize there is more to life than just this situation, more than my grief, more than my sorrow, there is the love of a three year old and how I wish everyone could get to experience that because there is nothing more beautiful.  I have gotten to see Chandler grow tremendously while caring for Cannon.  He treats being a brother as though it is a privilege and I love him so dearly for that. 



Bath time with my buddy!

I finally sat down with Chandler and talked with him about Cannon’s situation he listened so intently.  His eyes held mine and my heart broke.  I explained in a way that I knew Chandler would understand.  Once I finished talking about it, all I could say was, okay buddy?  And he so seriously said “But momma, I just want Cannon to be healed.” “Me too buddy, me too.”  My heart broke.  How desperately that had been my cry.  “But momma can he just be healed?”  “Yes, buddy that’s why Cannon has to go to the doctor the doctor is going to help heal Cannon.”  “No momma not with the doctor, just healed.”  Again, my cry.  We talked more about it then he hopped down and went to kiss Cannon’s feet as if maybe that would help.  Tears ran down my cheeks.



We love you big brother!