Pictures

Round three of decorations--UNDER THE SEA!

Again, CRICUTS of fun!  Thanks Mom and Jenny!

Okay, so CRABBIE could not be further from the truth when describing Cannon, but I thought it would be too cute!  Especially with the crab sticker!  Cannon is so very content and so very happy that seriously the only complaints you hear from him is when he is hungry and even then it really is nothing compared to another little guy that I once knew (AHEM...Chandler).  I had planned on putting this across the front but with the last round of decorations I had put ARRRR MATEY! across the front and a lady at church stopped us to proclaim that "Our sweet Mattie was the cutest little girl she had ever seen!" HA!  So I did not want anyone thinking we had named our precious little BOY Crabbie!

So many choices!

It's somewhat coincidental that my classroom is also ocean themed...but...don't worry after our upcoming appointment with our helmet lady the next round of decorations will be debuting soon!

This is six weeks post-op!  We actually just marked our two month cranioversary on the 22nd!!!  WAHOO!  Amazing at what our little journey has entailed!  The difference of even a week prior to this picture is unbelievable!

Can you guess who this baby is?  This is our little Chandler at six months!  All too cute!

And this sweet boy, is our sweet Cannon at six months.  Styling the same pair of shades and as his bib states "CUTE and I know it!"

So I had to throw in another comparison picture.  This is Chandler at six months.  Behind him is the picture he gave me for Mother's Day.  What good taste for such a little guy!

This is Cannon at six months!  I will leave the resemblance thoughts to you.  I also wanted to include LOTs of pictures in this post as I have not of late, but Cannon has learned a new trick.  His trick is his ability to close his eyes at just the right moment, so when mommy takes the picture his eyes are closed and seriously they are closed in ninety-five percent of the pictures of late.  I have even resorted to putting my hand in front of the camera in hopes to trick the little guy, but never fail look at this shot, it did not work.  The solution of turning off the flash before taking the picture would be great, except then the picture is SO grainy and not very clear.  So I refuse to give up!  I guess we just need more practice.  Let's see how the next ones turn out!

Well...at least we know it is a family trait!  HAHA!  Again, closing our eyes at the perfect timing so mommy cannot capture how absolutely adorable our eyes are! 

So this picture might be a little scary with me in it, but alas we have eyes!

AH! See what I mean!

Well...I wanted to show off our ocean themed helmet and thought maybe I would have better luck in capturing Cannon with his eyes open while eating.  Did not work!  But look at that big boy holding his own bottle!  They grow SO fast!

Our little crabbie patty! 

So mommy thought...OH how cute would it be to capture my little guys in their matching outfits.  But the key to this is it must be done first thing in the morning before Cannon spits up or poops out of his outfit.  So low and behold, in the morning rush when we HAVE to get to places on time, I thought we would throw in a photo session.  I also thought perhaps we had overcome our ability to close our eyes at the flashing camera so we could get some A.D.O.R.A.B.L.E. shots, but I think I was mistaken.  Still the pictures were way too cute not to post!

When will this lady give up?

Seriously...mom first thing in the morning?

Fine if she will not, I will give up!

Well at least a little rain couldn't damper this guy's fun!  He was SO excited when he awoke to the clouds and rain because guess what?  "I get to wear my rain boots today! YAY!"

Oh and my rain coat!  Can you tell we have not had rain lately!  For the what seems like once a year occasion, we have to get out all the rain gear!

AT LAST!!!!! (and yes, the Etta James song comes to mind)

AGAIN!!!!

Can you tell I am excited?

Chandlerisms from this week:

Chandler was busy playing with his Little People School Bus while I was cooking dinner.  I overheard the conversation of the Little People on the school bus all excited to be going to school (aka under the couch) when all of the sudden as the passengers were unloading someone from the bus shouted "Oh no, we forgot Jesus!"  "Well I guess we better go get him!"  So everyone loaded back onto the bus so they could go to Jesus' house as, "School cannot start without Jesus," Chandler informed them!

As we arrived home, I was unloading all of my things and the boys, I brought in my final load and thought Chandler was right behind me.  I came on in to get dinner started, pick up the house, put things away and lay Cannon down to play when I heard Zoe barking.  I went to the back door and Chandler had not followed me in, but instead he had put on his bike helmet and was riding around.  I informed Chandler that it was fine that he was playing, but he really needed to let me know that he was outside so that I could make sure he was safe.  He informed me "But momma I already put on my helmet, it will protect me!"  Too sweet! 

I tried

I tried this week.

I tried to be the best mommy.

I tried to be the best wife.

I tried to be the best professional.

I tried.

By Friday though I had a crushing feeling of not succeeding and a monstrous headache. 

This week was the first full week of school.  My body screamed of exhaustion.  My house was and is a M.E.S.S. and we need to so desperately go to the store.  My boys did not get their fair share of mommy and it broke my heart.  My milk supply for Cannon is diminishing and through it all I feel as though I am running myself ragged and I personally feel like I am failing.  I can barely even provide my boys with their needs.

I tried as hard as I could this week.  Last night, I could not even laugh at my little big boy who was being a big goof.  I tried to snuggle with my precious Cannon yet all I could do was just close my eyes and try to let my brain stop from the major overload that had started spiraling out of control two weeks ago. 

This week I could barely find the time to stay hydrated, to focus on my family, to give all I could at home, to even find the time during the day to use the bathroom.

This week I struggled with the mommy guilt that comes from being a working mommy.  Here I wanted to spend as much time with my precious boys who love me so much and yet my time, a majority of my time was at or focusing on work.  When I was at school, I wasn't with my boys.  When we got home, I fixed dinner, fed Cannon, bathed Cannon, got Cannon ready for bed, all the while Chandler was being cared for by daddy so I felt like I was missing out.  Then it was time to tuck Chandler in, feed Cannon again, put Cannon down and then turn on the computer for an hour or more of lesson planning, making activities, researching ideas for the new program we are trying at school, pump, be frustrated with the lack of milk I was producing.  Knowing it is not enough, and realizing that our frozen supply is too quickly disappearing and coming to grips that the one way I am still able to provide the best for Cannon is not working.  Then I fall, and literally I mean fall into bed or even on the couch so exhausted that three out of the five nights I couldn't even bring myself to take out my contacts or wash my face until the middle of the night when I would wake up with a start worrying about my boys, thinking of some great idea I need to try at school to help ease the stress or the fact that I could have possibly missed my alarm going off because I am so tired.  Then I get up again, to start it all over again.  We rush around to get ready, I kiss the boys good bye and the idea of what the day holds hangs over like a cloud.  Today will be better, I would tell myself but in my heart I couldn't shake the feeling that maybe I am doing it all wrong.  My boys love me and would do anything for me shouldn't I be there for them?  I know that I am so blessed to have the summers but I feel like in a blink of an eye they grow so fast and the next thing you know they are starting school and then time doesn't ever stop flying by.

I know we will find our new pace and schedule and things will slow down and work will get better, but for the time being I have to call the doctor to ask about what formula Cannon needs and sadly come to the reality that maybe I am choosing work of the needs of my baby.  I have to worry about the fact that I need to make an impact daily into little lives yet I am so overwhelmed that I as the tears start to fall it hits me so hard that "this", this that I am so "stressed" about is not stress.  What I, we, Cannon experienced this summer was stress.  What I am experiencing is not stress.  There is no reason to allow such things to stress me, to exhaust me, to overwhelm me.  I have fought a tough fight, Cannon has fought a battle and we are on the uphill "winning" side.  That was stress...this....well...this is just a bump in the road, a hurdle that quickly will be out of the way and when things calm down I will look back and be able to know that I accomplished the race, I may not have won.  But I ran hard and it was tough but I will again try.  Next week, today, tomorrow I will try my best.  To be the best mommy, the best wife, the best teacher and again next week might be just as hard but at least I will know that it is survivable.  I did not know if craniosynostosis was survivable, but it was, so I now know that even under the pressure of all this, this too is survivable.  I will survive, WE will survive.

Now I am off to spend as much time with my boys, well...and clean and doing laundry, and lesson planning, and church, and grocery shopping, formula shopping, celebrating a birthday, cooking pancakes and the weekend begins!

Too Cute...

Me: Chandler you are so smart!
Chandler: I know momma.
Me: Who did you get all that smartness from?
Chandler: Hmmm…
Daddy: Did you get it from Momma?
Chandler: No.
Me: *GASP*
Chandler: I think Jesus gave it to me.
Me: Chandler, I think you are right.

How cute is that????

Then….
Dinner prayer, Chandler’s turn:
Dear Father, God, thank you for Momma for making the corn dogs and thank you Father, God, for her making the noodles and thank you Father, God, for the ketchup and thank you Father, God, for Daddy’s back to get better and thank you Father, God, for Cangen’s bone to regrow and thank you Father, God, for all you have done for us. AMEN!

How sweet was that? Brings tears to my eyes.

Me: Chandler soon you will go to Meme’s house.
Chandler: YAY!!!! I can’t wait to go to Meme’s house.
Me: But, Chandler when you go to Meme’s house will you help take care of Cannon?
Chandler: (thinking about his response then…)No, Momma Meme is my friend and she will take care of Cannon so I can play with my other friends but that will be okay Momma.
Me: Okay, Chandler.

Chandler: Momma at church they said that love is kind.
Me: What a good thing to say. They are right love is kind.
Chandler: That means that we should not kick somebody because love is kind.
Me: You’re right you should not kick someone because love is kind.
Chandler: (kicks me)
Me: Chandler, I thought that you said that love is kind and you should not kick!?!?!
Chandler: I know. But I was just playing.
Me: You should not kick someone you love.
Chandler: I know Momma because love is kind, but I was just playing.

HAHA!

Chandler: Momma will you be my first best friend?
Me: Awwww. Chandler I would love to be your first best friend.
Chandler: Good. Now you can be my second best friend because Daddy is my real first best friend.
Me: Thanks Chandler.

What a stinker!

Oh how our summer has gone too fast! I cannot believe it is almost over. What a summer! All that we have been through and experienced I would not want to go through again, yet I have such relief that it is over. I have been so fortunate to have had so many sweet memorable moments with my boys! They grow so fast! Too fast! Cannon has amazed us every day and I think he soon will be crawling all over the place especially to keep up with his big brother. Cannon absolutely is enamored with Chandler. It is sooooo precious! All Chandler has to do is come into Cannon’s line of vision and Cannon gets so excited by kicking and squealing so loudly and doing a BIG belly laugh. Cannon has also learned how to make an adorable smacking sound to where if you do it he will then mimic you and you can synchronize your smacking. Chandler will often say “Listen, he is doing it again!” So fun!

Chandler trying to have a tantrum about taking a picture. Papa also throwing a tantrum because Chandler was throwing a tantrum. HAHA! Chandler's tantrum was short lived as who can resist a silly Papa?

Chandler clinging to his car for dear life! It actually should be us clinging to our cars becuase LOOK OUT Chandler is now driving! Well actually he has been for sometime now he is so funny though with his "I am going to school Momma, love ya, I'll be careful, kay!" or "I am going to the gym to work out, love ya, I'll be careful, kay!" or "Excuse me your stuff is in the way and my car cannot get through. Better watch out!" How polite to prewarn someone that your toes, shoes, purse or anything else might get ran over if you're not careful, this includes our sweet Cannon!

Fountain Fun! We made a sticker chart for Chandler for staying in his own bed at night as it had become a habit of sneakily climbing into bed with Momma and Daddy during the middle of the night. Also, on the sticker chart, picking up messes without whining and complaining about it. He earned this reward in record time because he LOVES the fountains! We are now on our second chart (we doubled the amont of needed stickers this time) and almost done again but with another favorite as a reward!

BROTHERS!

What a sweet life!

Culture and Six Week Follow Up

On Monday, Cannon’s pediatrician’s office called with the result of the swab taken from his incision site on Thursday. The nurse informed me that the culture was staph but that it showed that it was resistant to the two forms of antibiotics that we were treating Cannon with.

I was at a loss.

However, Cannon’s incision looked dramatically different. I had actually called early Friday morning to ask if I had to continue with both antibiotics as I felt as though his incisions looked tremendously better. There was no yuck in the spot that our doctor was concerned about, but at that time we had to wait until the culture results came back before we stopped any medication just in case. In the meantime though, another spot on his first incision started to concern me, but with the weaning in of the helmet it was hard to tell what was happening with the incisions.

Things started to gradually feel better by Saturday and Sunday and we had a new washing routine that dramatically helped his sweet little head. It is amazing though what it took to find the routine that worked best. Once the pharmacist mentioned the fact that I really needed to stay away from items with perfumes and things that would potentially dry out his head I was shocked by how difficult it is to find things in the baby department that do not contain one if not both of those items. I now have to wash his head only every other day with Cetaphil but not on his incisions. Then, I wash his incisions daily with Baby Magic, our normal baby wash and shampoo. After his bath is finished I rinse the incisions with a saline solution just to make sure it is well rinsed and gets rid of the perfumes or any other things that could irritate his skin and incisions. Once his head has been patted dry then I coat the back, sides and front of his head only with Baby Aquaphor. Which has only five ingredients! I wash his helmet with Baby Magic, rinse it, rinse it with alcohol and then rinse it with water and scrub the pads with a wash cloth to ensure that the alcohol is off so it will not dry out his baby skin. Then his helmet air dries for thirty or forty minutes, but before Chase puts it on he dries all the pads by using a towel to squeeze the excess water off. WHEW! What a routine. Although it is not down to a perfect science at this point it is getting better. I will just be excited once summer is over and maybe he won’t be so sweaty and we won’t have to worry about so much of all of this. But we will see!

On Wednesday, we went up to KC for a follow up. Originally we were going to just see our orthotist but once all the issues with Cannon’s incisions and dry skin began our surgeon wanted to see him too. I was relieved to see both as I really felt as though I had a lot of questions and wanted to see what both thought of his healing. God was faithful again and showed his faithfulness in such a real and concrete way that I seriously had such a song of praise in my heart after both appointments.

During our visit, the nurse and surgeon were very impressed with the healing of Cannon’s incisions. I told them about all of the previous stated care that is going into ensuring that those babies heal beautifully and they also thought that the dry skin was looking so much better than from the pictures I sent last Thursday! YEAH!

Then came one of my most important questions. Is there new bone growth? I was so anxious about this question because I had told Chase sometime in the last week or two that I really thought there were new little islands of bone growing. So finally the official opinion that counts….YES!!! Yes, Cannon has three very little, but very evident islands of new bone!!!! We were ecstatic! We had been told that often this does not happen until three months post-op, but I was so hopeful! God showed us that through it all he is ever present! I know that one would think that as the bone regrows it would grow perhaps like large section that fills in, however, as Cannon’s dura mater signals to his bone that it needs to regrow the bone will regrow in little spurts or islands that actually try to grow up. They do get thicker and bigger and will eventually fill in altogether and then the bone will fuse again but for now this is why the helmet is SO important. This encourages and forces the new bone to grow flat and out to fill in where the skull is now gone. The fact that we have bone growth encourages my soul so much! We are so thankful for so many prayers and God’s ultimate healing ability.

Our second question was perhaps one of the most intimidating. This was whether the genetic test had come back showing whether or not craniosynostosis in Cannon’s case was a genetic mutation. If so, Cannon would then have the possibility to have syndromes or also the possibility to pass the genes onto his children. What a heartbreaking choice he would have to make. But what was even perhaps more heartbreaking would have been the thought that if it was a genetic mutation then that meant that Chase or I had a gene that caused this awful journey to occur. So as I asked, I asked with the thought that maybe it would just be best not to know. But I asked anyway. The nurse did some looking through his file and finally there it was. No. No, Cannon’s craniosynostosis was not caused by a genetic mutation! Although, this leaves many unanswered questions, the thought that it was not a genetic mutation leaves me hope that perhaps this truly is just a random occurrence for us that would not necessarily happen again if Chase and I have more children and Cannon also does not need to worry about passing on a gene to his children!

We will soon be returning and our goal for Cannon in this coming appointment is for him to have his cranial index, width of his head to increase. Although it already has dramatically increased there was no difference from his last visit. I am so excited about his bone growth that it almost seems unreal but it is! Thank you to those of you who are still keeping us in your thoughts and prayers!

God is faithful!

Yesterday

Yesterday was hard.

Yesterday I struggled with many things.

For the first time, since surgery I felt….

Mad
Hurt
Doubt
Upset
Fearful
Scared
Jealous
Worried
Stressed
Confused

I didn’t know where to turn. I didn’t know what to think. I didn’t know what to feel. I didn’t know if I could be strong. I didn’t even know if I could pray.

I know that everyone has hard days, but yesterday was one of the hardest since being home from post-op.

The buildup for this day all started a little over a week ago. Cannon’s scalp was getting really dried out, with little red bumps and itchy. I called the orthotist who is our “helmet lady” and asked for advice. She recommended that I needed to stop washing his hair daily and needed to get some moisturizing shampoo. I told her at the time I just did not think it would be possible for me to go to every other day washes as by the end of one day his sweet baby head is smelly and gross from being in his helmet all night and day with no break. So she said I could try the moisturizing shampoo daily for the time being but if sores began to break out on his head then we would have no other choice. I got moisturizing shampoo. I continued washing his head daily with the new shampoo but then Tuesday night I noticed two sores on the back of Cannon’s neck. The sores were firey red, swollen and looked painful, almost like burns about the size and width of my thumb. The orthotist had talked about these sores and had said if he got them then he would not be able to wear his helmet until the sores completely healed due to the worry of infection and rubbing the skin raw. This situation would not be good as he MUST wear the helmet 23 hours a day in order for all that we have gone through to be successful. So late at night, what was I to do? I followed her previous advice, put Neosporin on both spots, took pictures to send to her and then put Cannon to bed without his helmet?!?!

I stressed.


I  did not sleep well as I knew that we might potentially have to return to KC for helmet adjustments the next day. On top of this, Chase’s back was in no condition to drive or ride the trip up and back. Add to that, our beloved Zoe dog was sick.

The moment Cannon’s orthotist’s office opened, I called. I had to leave a message and then waited. I waited for what seemed like forever as I was sure that I would need to endure the six hour round trip in a day. However, I spoke with the orthotist and she determined that indeed Cannon’s sores were bad, but she hoped to get us by until our scheduled appointment this coming Wednesday. Also, at this point I had no choice, I had to cut back on washing his head daily. She gave me detailed instructions on how to treat to sores and then told me the dreaded news that Cannon had to be out of the helmet for a total of two days and two nights. Any time he laid down I had to ensure that he was flat on his back and no turning of his head to one side or the other occurred. We then would have to restart helmet therapy on the third day but would have to go to a weaning in schedule and see how the sores reacted. Then at the very end of the conversation she noted that in the pictures it looked as if Cannon’s neck was swollen. She asked how his lymph nodes were doing and I told her that they were same, still inflamed. She said that she thought it was time to return to our pediatrician to have our pediatrician recheck the lymph nodes as the combination of his neck being swollen, the inflamed lymph nodes and the red sores were worrisome.

I wanted to scream.

Instead, I loaded Zoe and Chandler in the car to go to the vet’s office as our little Zoe dog was not getting better. On the way to the vet’s office I called Cannon’s pediatrician, scheduled an appointment for the next morning and set off to continue our day, but suddenly the dreadful pit in my stomach returned.

I prayed.

Zoe received a shot of antibiotics, instructions to not feed her for a full 24 hours and return the next day.

We had an uneventful afternoon and evening. Cannon’s sores looked to be getting better. But then, there was yesterday, Thursday.

Our morning started out calm and peaceful. I took Cannon in and was prepared to hear the same thing as last time about his lymph nodes. They just needed time. Time to heal, time to go down, time. The doctor entered and I pulled Cannon out of his carrier. As I did, I noticed on the right tip of his back incision had a sore full of fluid and grossness. This was the first I had seen it. This was the first I noticed it. What? The doctor noticed it immediately. I went from calm to stress. I looked closer as she continued talking and heard the word “infection”. NO! This couldn’t be. We were almost five weeks post-op. His incisions had looked amazing. I had been meticulous in keeping his incisions clean and cared for. She drained and swabbed the sore and then prescribed an antibacterial cream to apply to the spot. She discussed the possibilities of the infection and then went on to reiterate that she thought his lymph nodes probably just needed time. I was seriously stricken with panic about the new discovery. I asked about the dry skin. She made her recommendations and then we were on our way.

I felt in a rush again the inability to be strong with this new revelation.

We left. I returned home to get Zoe to take her back to the vet and all the while Chase’s back was so bad that it was all he could manage to stagger from chair to the floor with ice on his back and a continuous round of Tylenol flowing through his system. While on the way to the vet I called the orthotist, the surgeon’s nurse, the surgery clinic, a cranio mom who also has endured a great deal and my mom. It was all I could do to keep my composure. The thought of all that was to come crashing down was imminent and I was not strong.

I was broken.

Zoe’s news was the same. Still a temp. Still no food. Another antibiotic shot. Antibiotic pills for home and the need to call back to the vet with updates as the possibility that she could get worse before getting better was a concern.

On the drive home. I cried. Hadn’t Cannon endured enough? Hadn’t I been through enough? Hadn’t I proven that trusted? And then the onslaught of emotions hit me. I was mad. So mad, this shouldn’t be. I was hurt. I had trusted in God to get us through this. I was upset. I should have noticed this before now, before today. I was confused. I took this new situation on that it was something I had done that had caused this, but what because I had been so careful. I had done my best. I was fearful. What if this was the start of something worse? I was at a loss. I didn’t know what to do. And yet the day had barely started.

With at least ten phone calls later, several from all of the previously listed people and instructions or advice that was so very different it made everything so confusing and so inconclusive. My ability to be strong was quickly diminishing.
I was exhausted. All day the confusing thoughts were rampaging through my mind, blaming myself, being angry, being mad, so mad. I told my mom about a sermon I had heard while pregnant and how I was so fearful that all of this was my doing. I had prayed while pregnant for God to make me strong and the sermon given by a guest speaker I heard was about that if you pray for patience then God would put people in your life to test your patience and if you prayed for strength then God would give you situations to test your strength.

I was scared.

Maybe there was more that we would have to endure. Maybe because I prayed for strength God had placed this situation into our lives to test our strength. I was heartbroken.
I spent the afternoon trying to just breathe. At one point when we were told that Cannon would have to be out of the helmet for two days I was actually looking forward to finally getting to spend time without the helmet as we really have to come to see it as a part of Cannon. But then there was this. This possibility of an infection took away from our excitement. The afternoon was full of calls back and forth to the pediatrician’s office, surgeon’s office and the orthotist. All to finalize advice, instructions, prescriptions and follow-up appointments.
As I drove to Target to pick up the prescriptions, new shampoo and lotion I begged and pleaded with God. Maybe there was still the possibility that Cannon’s incision site was not infected, maybe I could be hopeful again. But, as I again thought about being hopeful I wanted to cry as throughout this all I would always feel hopeful only to have reality hurt. Then an all consuming exhaustion hit me hard. As I discussed everything with the pharmacist she again shared her opinion about how to cleanse the incisions as through all of this even though I was not to wash Cannon’s head I needed to still daily wash the incisions, even though the poor incisions were perhaps the driest part of his scalp. It was here though, that as I walked to the baby department and saw the beautiful pictures on the aisle walls with precious babies, babies with their mommy and they were perfect. They didn’t have helmets. They didn’t have incisions. They didn’t have scars. It was here that the jealousy started. I was scared of this emotion as I know how fast and dangerous this emotion can be. I didn’t want to be jealous but I couldn’t help my heart. Again, it suddenly seemed as though I was encompassed by babies, all of them with perfect head shapes. Not needing surgery to fix their heads, not needing to wear a helmet to be made whole, not needing to worry about incisions or infections. It was here that my doubt again started. I started doubting my ability to fix this.
I was hurt.

I was scared.

I was mad.

I was worried.

I was confused.

I was jealous.

As I was then waiting in line to get dinner I saw her. A lady who I did not know but her shirt touched my heart and made me realize everyone has hurts. Her shirt said “A Blood Donor Saved My Life.” I still left feeling pain in my heart and I returned home and told Chase that today was a hard day.

I cried.

I shared with him all the thoughts that wouldn’t stop. But finally, he stopped me and reminded me that I had and have done my best and that is truly all I can, could and will ever be able to do.
So yes, I know everyone has hard days but I do ask for your thoughts and prayers for my sweet Cannon. The thought that an incision that was needed is now infected and so close to his brain and will not get to have “air” as he is now back in his helmet scares me but again I have to believe that surely the doctors know what is best. I pray for strength to be strong enough for my family and Cannon. I pray that my heart can calm and that the peace that I once felt so strongly can return. I pray that I have faith to know that God is in control and He loves our Cannon so much and He will protect him.

Cricuts of Fun!

So I LOVE to decorate Cannon’s helmet. We initially just had stickers but then I wanted more. With the first round of decorating I learned a lot!

Tips·
-Using a hair dryer can help remove bubbles behind the stickers and help them stick better.
-Using a hair dryer to remove the stickers also helps the stickers to not leave a residue or if so makes the residue easy to take off.
-You must use clear vinyl stickers in order for them to hold up with the daily washings and alcohol rub downs.
-The more the better!!! Well…I guess this is personal preference!
-Placement is key. There are certain spots that tend to get rubbed off quickly. Especially since Cannon likes to turn his head back and forth, back and forth as if trying to itch his little head so the ones on the back and the ones on the back sides are susceptible to getting rubbed off.
-Fading and wear happens so having lots of stickers on hand to use makes it all the more exciting!

As I mentioned in a previous post, my determined mother found stickers and stickers and more stickers. They are absolutely adorable! She found hers at Hobby Lobby in the scrap booking section and if you time it just right, 50% off or with a 40% off coupon they are a steal! Chandler, Cannon and I also found some from Target for 99 cents!!! And they are too cute! Of course this is a shout out to Cannon’s dear big brother, Chandler, as he picked out the current adorable stickers and chose the theme for this round of decorating! I know it is the little things in life, but this is so fun!

I wanted words and sayings because seriously how cute would that be. So thanks to Jenny for letting us borrow and play with her Cricut, yesterday, my mom and I decided to be adventurous!!! We decided it was time to add words and sayings. So after lots (not really) of thought we set out to turn Cannon’s helmet into an expression of…well…lets say...of art! HAHA! Anyway as you will see below the words truly add a magical touch! In one of my previous posts there is a picture of Cannon and Chandler without the words and as you are about to see the words add so much! Thanks again Jenny!




Before stickers and decorations.





Round One of decorating!  Rockets of fun!





Round Two!  Pirate Theme!  ARRR MATEY! ;  )



Reaction

Yesterday, was our four week mark!!! Some days it feels every bit of that, and on other days it feels like forever ago that we were where we were. However, we truly are so blessed to be on this side of things. But as the title of this post states I have a question.



Reaction?



What is your reaction to this?

Well, let me tell you that through this all, people’s reactions to Cannon’s helmet have perhaps been the most interesting.

I am amazed at people.

I am shocked at people’s reactions.

I am hurt, at times, by their reactions.

I do not say any of this to offend anyone. I was questioned by someone very dear what would I do if the roles were reversed and we were out and about and Chandler loudly asked about that baby’s helmet what would I do? I was quiet for a moment, and then being in the position that I now am in it was hard to think of an instant response. But it is amazing when we are out with Cannon at the double takes. The stares. The inquisitive eyes. The not so quiet whispers that, yes, I can hear. The absolute avoidance of eye contact even when it is needed. I am SO glad that Cannon is the age he is because he doesn’t notice but being the age I am, I do.

I still look at my baby and I see my beautiful Cannon. I see all that he has had to endure.  I see how super and brave he is. And, yes although this is not permanent I absolutely cannot fathom if it was. I cannot imagine parents and what they must endure if their child’s situation is long term or even permanent, when they go out and about with their beautiful babes and they get the stares, looks and hear the not so quiet whispers and they don’t get to hear how beautiful their baby is. Although at times I want to share our story with those onlookers it is so hard because unless you have a moment to stop and actually listen it is not a quick response. I am so surprised at the reactions at times it hurts. Then I get over it, I get brave and we go out again and then again someone says something and hurts.

But last night we went out and both Chase and I were so touched. There was a young teenage girl who was working as a cashier and she purposely went out of her way to tell us “What a handsome baby you have!” We said “Thank you!” I looked at her name tag because I wanted to put her in my memory bank when the stares are unavoidable or hurt so that I can recall this sweet moment. Chase and I both walked out and Chase said “Wow, that was so nice!” “I know.” I said, as it has been a long time, well, four weeks to be exact since someone has said that. Now I do need to take that back because there have been others who have stated what cute boys we have, but nothing so purposeful or powerful and just what I needed to hear in that moment. I wanted to share some reactions with you and although they may amaze you they are all real.

When we were up at Kaleidoscope with Chandler the way the line weaves and twists and turns everyone basically can see everyone while in line. I had Cannon out of the stroller and was feeding him and literally I think all eyes were on Cannon. Chase initially was trying to stare right back at the people who were all out staring but as we would notice one, twenty more would be gaping at our little bundle. Then there were the whispers and although I easily ignored the stares and whispers that I could so evidently hear it was so silly to me. Really? In this day and age where there are so many situations that people go through and endure, this is so hard for people to get their minds around. I understand children. They are curious and they are so open but adults sometimes surprise me. So as we entered Kaleidoscope and were having a fun time a little girl asked her mommy why my baby had a helmet. Just as I was about to answer for her mommy she said “Because his mommy is scared that he might fall out of the stroller so she makes him wear a helmet.” WHAT? I looked at the mom thinking she must be saying that to make it easy to understand but the mom quickly grabbed her little girl made not so nice eye contact with me and rushed away. I would have loved to track her down but not my battle, let her think that…I guess?

Then we were at Target and a little girl saw the handle of Cannon’s car seat from inside the cart and started saying “Baby, baby, baby.” Her grandmother agreed with her, and asked if she wanted to see the baby. My heart sank, as most people don’t look into the cart so most cannot even see our Cannon to react. But of course the little girl did. I tried to prepare myself emotionally for what was to come but the grandmothers quick “Oh!?!” and immediate turn away made me sad. She could have said anything. But “Oh?” Then the little girl was so sweet to say “Hat, hat, hat.” And I waited for the grandmother’s reaction, but again I received utter avoidance as she tried to push the little girl forward and out of earshot.

Also, while at Target as I was pushing the stroller this time and a family with teenage girls were passing several of the family members let out an “OW!” as the teenage girl who was pushing their cart was so preoccupied in checking out Cannon that she literally ran over her sister, mother and father. As I turned back around, all eyes were then on us and she just grinned embarrassingly and tried to explain that she was looking at “That baby is wearing a helmet! HAHA!”. Okay?
The stories go on and on and really there is no way to explain reactions. But when a cashier utterly avoids eye contact because they are uncomfortable or another shouts “Oh my gosh! Your baby has a helmet! Why does he have a helmet?” I seriously wonder what has happened? Everyone deserves a smile and to be acknowledged. My baby is still beautiful. It actually breaks my heart that people cannot see him past the adorably decorated helmet that he now wears. Do they wonder? Do they wonder what has happened in his life that he now wears a helmet? Do they think to ask me?

I stop noticing the stares and then we go out to dinner with a friend who I told about the stares. I had stopped noticing until after dinner and once out of the restaurant she reminds me that “Wow, people really do stare!” Oh, I didn’t think it was that bad. And then I pay attention the next time. And the next time there are points and whispers and “Did you see that baby?” But thanks to Amy, a cashier, to remind us that there are people who can see past his helmet and can see how “handsome” he really is. I was actually changing him the other day and Chase had music playing and a song came on. A song I used to sing to Chandler when he was a baby. I started singing it to Cannon with tears in my eyes because he is beautiful. He has endured so much and his helmet is just like a cast or a sling that someone wears for a broken bone and yet I do not see people reacting the way they do to the boy with a broken arm as they do my sweet Cannon. So for the song that was playing and brought tears to my eyes, my song to Cannon….

You are so beautiful
To me
You are so beautiful
To me
Can't you see

You're everything I hope for
You're everything I need
You are so beautiful to me
You are so beautiful to me!

Two Week Follow Up and Funnies

Last Wednesday, we headed back up to KC for our two/three week follow up. We met with our surgeon and orthotics. We were so excited to hear how great Cannon was doing. All were so impressed by the look of his head. It is unbelievable, I too agree. His cranial index has dramatically seemed to increase which is so great and encourages me each time we hear how much so that I can rest assured that we made the right choice. However, while there, the surgeon noted Cannon’s lymph nodes were very inflamed. At Cannon’s four month check up about two weeks ago I had mentioned them to our pediatrician and she too noted them but just thought that because of surgery they were a little swollen. Well, Cannon on the fourth of July came down with a virus that caused him to run a fever and then have a yucky cough. I tried to reassure myself that this was just from all that he has endured but I can’t seem to shake the underlying worry and stress that has come about because of Cannon having so many lymph nodes be so so swollen. We returned home and to the doctor’s office the next day to be told that we just need to allow his body to heal and to keep an eye on them. Our doctor told us what to look out for, but now it seems as though I see one of them and I think that I see what she told us to look out for. Or I give him a bath and I find another new swollen lymph node. And the stress returns. For some reason it feels like whenever my boys get sick or I need reassurance from the doctor’s office it is during evening unavailable hours or on the weekend where I then am left to sit and worry and wonder and Google. AH! I truly am trying to remain calm but I also am realistic to know that I need Cannon’s lymph nodes to return to normal so that I too may return to my new sense of calm and peace.

Children...and all that they do to a mother’s heart!

I truly think that parenting is the hardest job ever. It is so full of responsibility and the unknown how is one to know what to do?

In the meantime though our little big Chandler has been full of funnies this week I wanted to share some.

Conversation headed home from Cannon’s appointment
Chandler: Momma, I want to be in _______(insert city where we live). I want to be in _______. I want to be in _______.
Momma: I know Chandler. We are almost there.
Chandler: SILENCE……………………..Momma, what does almost mean?
Momma: It means we are pretty close to _______.
Chandler: Oh, okay! Well, I want to be in _______.
***Then as we were getting closer to our house Chandler’s tears started falling.

Momma: Chandler what is wrong?
Chandler: I want to be in _______.
Momma: Honey, we are in _______. _______ is where we live.
Chandler: NOOOOO! I don’t want to go home I want to go to _______!!!

Fast forward a week…
Momma: Chandler you really need to pick up all of this mess.
Chandler: Okay momma.
Momma: Chandler hurry please we need to take a bath.
Chandler: Well, momma I am ALMOST done almost!
Momma: HAH!

Now for a few pictures!

 

Trying oatmeal for the first the time. Obviously, not so fond of it.



That's better!

Mom had been up for an hour and half. This was the second attempt to wake up the boys with only ten minutes prior to us needing to leave!





Fun times at Kaleidoscope!

 





Three weeks post-op! How amazing!!!



My sweet Chandler ready to go to the library. Oh, by the way, the temperature was only 107 outside. But some things are just not worth the fight.  Especially when someone looks this cute and makes Cannon laugh as hard as he did seeing his brother in his ADORABLE stocking cap.

 

 





Tummy time with Chandler! Look at those perfectly round heads!!!



Good Morning Momma!

Yes, that is Noah in a space ship with his animals! What a smart way to travel during a flood! HAHA!