Taking a breath...WHEW!

So, finally I feel as though I am maybe able to breathe again, perhaps for just a moment or maybe longer. 

Our week last week although busy was exciting to say the least.  Cannon is getting a new helmet!  Finally!  I personally think that this current helmet has been a little tight for a while, but finally we reached the milestone of needing a new helmet!  I am sure there is more to come and our timetable is not what we had pictured, but to need a new helmet at all, and to finally hear those words made everything a little easier to know that things are going the way they should? 

We did a couple of weeks ago see an optometrist who specializes in infant care and participates in the state's program for infants' eye exams.  After a long visit and lots of tests and exams it was determined that for now there is nothing that can been seen as problematic.  Although this was and is WONDERFUL news there is still that little bit of worry.  There were lots of discussions and explanations which are full of probably too much information for anyone to handle but being a mommy who has gone through what we have gone through it was overwhelming to say the least.  But all we need to know for now that we just need to monitor things and hope and pray that this issue resolves and will not be a need for further concern.  At least for a moment or two! 

Then, Cannon suddenly had an odd bruise/knot that started forming on the inside of his upper forearm close to the fold of his elbow.  At first, I just thought like any bruise it would heal and get better.  We are at a loss as to the cause, but when things got worse and scarier I finally dreadfully scheduled a doctor's appointment.  Having gone through what we have, it is hard for my mind at times to think positively.  I often fear and visualize the worse possible scenario first, perhaps so that my mind can cope and deal with what might come and then if it is not awful, then I can continue on.  The doctor's have also been perplexed by the "mass" and although many days I think it looks better, in some moments I think maybe it is worse.  Cannon did have to have an ultrasound done on the mass.  Again, the whole appointment was enough to do me in as first we had to wait an hour just to see someone and when you are there by yourself in a hospital with an infant AND a three year old thoughts don't always stay so positive.  Initially it was just the technician who took lots of images, she then left to send the pictures to a radiologist, then returned to say that the radiologist wanted a few more images and needed the new images to be sent to a partner, then she left again with the promise that we would be able to leave once the report had been finished, to suddenly have the door open to the exam room and have not one, but three additional doctors asking what seemed like a million questions and wanting to physically see the "mass" as well as to get their own look with the ultrasound.  At this time, we are once again playing the waiting game.  We NEED the mass to shrink, we need the fluid to reabsorb, we need for it to heal but as patient as I can be I pray for there to be no complications as my precious babe so deserves normal at this point.  But what is normal?  Who knows?  Maybe this is?  I hope not.  Because as I stress over the many aspects in our little lives these days, I hope that things can get better.  I pray they will.  I know they will. 

Before I sign off though, I wanted to share a clip of our boys.  Oh brothers!  How dearly Cannon L.O.V.E.S Chandler.  Chandler can just walk through the room and Cannon is in awe.  Chandler L.O.V.E.S Cannon as well.  Cannon will be fussing and Chandler will immediately inform me that I need to go take care of him.  Chandler also wants DAILY reassurance that Cannon is for sure going to daycare that day with him, as though without Cannon there it is not the same?  I hope this love lasts.  Because as of right now Cannon is not in Chandler's things or really able to play with Chandler's toys, but I sense a change coming. Cannon is rolling like a mad man, scooting to where he needs to go and seriously the boy does not stay in the same location at all for more than a second which makes diaper changing and bath time...interesting.  He also tonight for the first time was so adamant that he was not going to lay on his back for any amount of time during bath time that he actually sat the entire bath time, which is a fun stage but where does the time go?  They grow SO fast!  Enjoy my little loves!