Pictures

Round three of decorations--UNDER THE SEA!

Again, CRICUTS of fun!  Thanks Mom and Jenny!

Okay, so CRABBIE could not be further from the truth when describing Cannon, but I thought it would be too cute!  Especially with the crab sticker!  Cannon is so very content and so very happy that seriously the only complaints you hear from him is when he is hungry and even then it really is nothing compared to another little guy that I once knew (AHEM...Chandler).  I had planned on putting this across the front but with the last round of decorations I had put ARRRR MATEY! across the front and a lady at church stopped us to proclaim that "Our sweet Mattie was the cutest little girl she had ever seen!" HA!  So I did not want anyone thinking we had named our precious little BOY Crabbie!

So many choices!

It's somewhat coincidental that my classroom is also ocean themed...but...don't worry after our upcoming appointment with our helmet lady the next round of decorations will be debuting soon!

This is six weeks post-op!  We actually just marked our two month cranioversary on the 22nd!!!  WAHOO!  Amazing at what our little journey has entailed!  The difference of even a week prior to this picture is unbelievable!

Can you guess who this baby is?  This is our little Chandler at six months!  All too cute!

And this sweet boy, is our sweet Cannon at six months.  Styling the same pair of shades and as his bib states "CUTE and I know it!"

So I had to throw in another comparison picture.  This is Chandler at six months.  Behind him is the picture he gave me for Mother's Day.  What good taste for such a little guy!

This is Cannon at six months!  I will leave the resemblance thoughts to you.  I also wanted to include LOTs of pictures in this post as I have not of late, but Cannon has learned a new trick.  His trick is his ability to close his eyes at just the right moment, so when mommy takes the picture his eyes are closed and seriously they are closed in ninety-five percent of the pictures of late.  I have even resorted to putting my hand in front of the camera in hopes to trick the little guy, but never fail look at this shot, it did not work.  The solution of turning off the flash before taking the picture would be great, except then the picture is SO grainy and not very clear.  So I refuse to give up!  I guess we just need more practice.  Let's see how the next ones turn out!

Well...at least we know it is a family trait!  HAHA!  Again, closing our eyes at the perfect timing so mommy cannot capture how absolutely adorable our eyes are! 

So this picture might be a little scary with me in it, but alas we have eyes!

AH! See what I mean!

Well...I wanted to show off our ocean themed helmet and thought maybe I would have better luck in capturing Cannon with his eyes open while eating.  Did not work!  But look at that big boy holding his own bottle!  They grow SO fast!

Our little crabbie patty! 

So mommy thought...OH how cute would it be to capture my little guys in their matching outfits.  But the key to this is it must be done first thing in the morning before Cannon spits up or poops out of his outfit.  So low and behold, in the morning rush when we HAVE to get to places on time, I thought we would throw in a photo session.  I also thought perhaps we had overcome our ability to close our eyes at the flashing camera so we could get some A.D.O.R.A.B.L.E. shots, but I think I was mistaken.  Still the pictures were way too cute not to post!

When will this lady give up?

Seriously...mom first thing in the morning?

Fine if she will not, I will give up!

Well at least a little rain couldn't damper this guy's fun!  He was SO excited when he awoke to the clouds and rain because guess what?  "I get to wear my rain boots today! YAY!"

Oh and my rain coat!  Can you tell we have not had rain lately!  For the what seems like once a year occasion, we have to get out all the rain gear!

AT LAST!!!!! (and yes, the Etta James song comes to mind)

AGAIN!!!!

Can you tell I am excited?

Chandlerisms from this week:

Chandler was busy playing with his Little People School Bus while I was cooking dinner.  I overheard the conversation of the Little People on the school bus all excited to be going to school (aka under the couch) when all of the sudden as the passengers were unloading someone from the bus shouted "Oh no, we forgot Jesus!"  "Well I guess we better go get him!"  So everyone loaded back onto the bus so they could go to Jesus' house as, "School cannot start without Jesus," Chandler informed them!

As we arrived home, I was unloading all of my things and the boys, I brought in my final load and thought Chandler was right behind me.  I came on in to get dinner started, pick up the house, put things away and lay Cannon down to play when I heard Zoe barking.  I went to the back door and Chandler had not followed me in, but instead he had put on his bike helmet and was riding around.  I informed Chandler that it was fine that he was playing, but he really needed to let me know that he was outside so that I could make sure he was safe.  He informed me "But momma I already put on my helmet, it will protect me!"  Too sweet! 

I tried

I tried this week.

I tried to be the best mommy.

I tried to be the best wife.

I tried to be the best professional.

I tried.

By Friday though I had a crushing feeling of not succeeding and a monstrous headache. 

This week was the first full week of school.  My body screamed of exhaustion.  My house was and is a M.E.S.S. and we need to so desperately go to the store.  My boys did not get their fair share of mommy and it broke my heart.  My milk supply for Cannon is diminishing and through it all I feel as though I am running myself ragged and I personally feel like I am failing.  I can barely even provide my boys with their needs.

I tried as hard as I could this week.  Last night, I could not even laugh at my little big boy who was being a big goof.  I tried to snuggle with my precious Cannon yet all I could do was just close my eyes and try to let my brain stop from the major overload that had started spiraling out of control two weeks ago. 

This week I could barely find the time to stay hydrated, to focus on my family, to give all I could at home, to even find the time during the day to use the bathroom.

This week I struggled with the mommy guilt that comes from being a working mommy.  Here I wanted to spend as much time with my precious boys who love me so much and yet my time, a majority of my time was at or focusing on work.  When I was at school, I wasn't with my boys.  When we got home, I fixed dinner, fed Cannon, bathed Cannon, got Cannon ready for bed, all the while Chandler was being cared for by daddy so I felt like I was missing out.  Then it was time to tuck Chandler in, feed Cannon again, put Cannon down and then turn on the computer for an hour or more of lesson planning, making activities, researching ideas for the new program we are trying at school, pump, be frustrated with the lack of milk I was producing.  Knowing it is not enough, and realizing that our frozen supply is too quickly disappearing and coming to grips that the one way I am still able to provide the best for Cannon is not working.  Then I fall, and literally I mean fall into bed or even on the couch so exhausted that three out of the five nights I couldn't even bring myself to take out my contacts or wash my face until the middle of the night when I would wake up with a start worrying about my boys, thinking of some great idea I need to try at school to help ease the stress or the fact that I could have possibly missed my alarm going off because I am so tired.  Then I get up again, to start it all over again.  We rush around to get ready, I kiss the boys good bye and the idea of what the day holds hangs over like a cloud.  Today will be better, I would tell myself but in my heart I couldn't shake the feeling that maybe I am doing it all wrong.  My boys love me and would do anything for me shouldn't I be there for them?  I know that I am so blessed to have the summers but I feel like in a blink of an eye they grow so fast and the next thing you know they are starting school and then time doesn't ever stop flying by.

I know we will find our new pace and schedule and things will slow down and work will get better, but for the time being I have to call the doctor to ask about what formula Cannon needs and sadly come to the reality that maybe I am choosing work of the needs of my baby.  I have to worry about the fact that I need to make an impact daily into little lives yet I am so overwhelmed that I as the tears start to fall it hits me so hard that "this", this that I am so "stressed" about is not stress.  What I, we, Cannon experienced this summer was stress.  What I am experiencing is not stress.  There is no reason to allow such things to stress me, to exhaust me, to overwhelm me.  I have fought a tough fight, Cannon has fought a battle and we are on the uphill "winning" side.  That was stress...this....well...this is just a bump in the road, a hurdle that quickly will be out of the way and when things calm down I will look back and be able to know that I accomplished the race, I may not have won.  But I ran hard and it was tough but I will again try.  Next week, today, tomorrow I will try my best.  To be the best mommy, the best wife, the best teacher and again next week might be just as hard but at least I will know that it is survivable.  I did not know if craniosynostosis was survivable, but it was, so I now know that even under the pressure of all this, this too is survivable.  I will survive, WE will survive.

Now I am off to spend as much time with my boys, well...and clean and doing laundry, and lesson planning, and church, and grocery shopping, formula shopping, celebrating a birthday, cooking pancakes and the weekend begins!

Too Cute...

Me: Chandler you are so smart!
Chandler: I know momma.
Me: Who did you get all that smartness from?
Chandler: Hmmm…
Daddy: Did you get it from Momma?
Chandler: No.
Me: *GASP*
Chandler: I think Jesus gave it to me.
Me: Chandler, I think you are right.

How cute is that????

Then….
Dinner prayer, Chandler’s turn:
Dear Father, God, thank you for Momma for making the corn dogs and thank you Father, God, for her making the noodles and thank you Father, God, for the ketchup and thank you Father, God, for Daddy’s back to get better and thank you Father, God, for Cangen’s bone to regrow and thank you Father, God, for all you have done for us. AMEN!

How sweet was that? Brings tears to my eyes.

Me: Chandler soon you will go to Meme’s house.
Chandler: YAY!!!! I can’t wait to go to Meme’s house.
Me: But, Chandler when you go to Meme’s house will you help take care of Cannon?
Chandler: (thinking about his response then…)No, Momma Meme is my friend and she will take care of Cannon so I can play with my other friends but that will be okay Momma.
Me: Okay, Chandler.

Chandler: Momma at church they said that love is kind.
Me: What a good thing to say. They are right love is kind.
Chandler: That means that we should not kick somebody because love is kind.
Me: You’re right you should not kick someone because love is kind.
Chandler: (kicks me)
Me: Chandler, I thought that you said that love is kind and you should not kick!?!?!
Chandler: I know. But I was just playing.
Me: You should not kick someone you love.
Chandler: I know Momma because love is kind, but I was just playing.

HAHA!

Chandler: Momma will you be my first best friend?
Me: Awwww. Chandler I would love to be your first best friend.
Chandler: Good. Now you can be my second best friend because Daddy is my real first best friend.
Me: Thanks Chandler.

What a stinker!

Oh how our summer has gone too fast! I cannot believe it is almost over. What a summer! All that we have been through and experienced I would not want to go through again, yet I have such relief that it is over. I have been so fortunate to have had so many sweet memorable moments with my boys! They grow so fast! Too fast! Cannon has amazed us every day and I think he soon will be crawling all over the place especially to keep up with his big brother. Cannon absolutely is enamored with Chandler. It is sooooo precious! All Chandler has to do is come into Cannon’s line of vision and Cannon gets so excited by kicking and squealing so loudly and doing a BIG belly laugh. Cannon has also learned how to make an adorable smacking sound to where if you do it he will then mimic you and you can synchronize your smacking. Chandler will often say “Listen, he is doing it again!” So fun!

Chandler trying to have a tantrum about taking a picture. Papa also throwing a tantrum because Chandler was throwing a tantrum. HAHA! Chandler's tantrum was short lived as who can resist a silly Papa?

Chandler clinging to his car for dear life! It actually should be us clinging to our cars becuase LOOK OUT Chandler is now driving! Well actually he has been for sometime now he is so funny though with his "I am going to school Momma, love ya, I'll be careful, kay!" or "I am going to the gym to work out, love ya, I'll be careful, kay!" or "Excuse me your stuff is in the way and my car cannot get through. Better watch out!" How polite to prewarn someone that your toes, shoes, purse or anything else might get ran over if you're not careful, this includes our sweet Cannon!

Fountain Fun! We made a sticker chart for Chandler for staying in his own bed at night as it had become a habit of sneakily climbing into bed with Momma and Daddy during the middle of the night. Also, on the sticker chart, picking up messes without whining and complaining about it. He earned this reward in record time because he LOVES the fountains! We are now on our second chart (we doubled the amont of needed stickers this time) and almost done again but with another favorite as a reward!

BROTHERS!

What a sweet life!

Culture and Six Week Follow Up

On Monday, Cannon’s pediatrician’s office called with the result of the swab taken from his incision site on Thursday. The nurse informed me that the culture was staph but that it showed that it was resistant to the two forms of antibiotics that we were treating Cannon with.

I was at a loss.

However, Cannon’s incision looked dramatically different. I had actually called early Friday morning to ask if I had to continue with both antibiotics as I felt as though his incisions looked tremendously better. There was no yuck in the spot that our doctor was concerned about, but at that time we had to wait until the culture results came back before we stopped any medication just in case. In the meantime though, another spot on his first incision started to concern me, but with the weaning in of the helmet it was hard to tell what was happening with the incisions.

Things started to gradually feel better by Saturday and Sunday and we had a new washing routine that dramatically helped his sweet little head. It is amazing though what it took to find the routine that worked best. Once the pharmacist mentioned the fact that I really needed to stay away from items with perfumes and things that would potentially dry out his head I was shocked by how difficult it is to find things in the baby department that do not contain one if not both of those items. I now have to wash his head only every other day with Cetaphil but not on his incisions. Then, I wash his incisions daily with Baby Magic, our normal baby wash and shampoo. After his bath is finished I rinse the incisions with a saline solution just to make sure it is well rinsed and gets rid of the perfumes or any other things that could irritate his skin and incisions. Once his head has been patted dry then I coat the back, sides and front of his head only with Baby Aquaphor. Which has only five ingredients! I wash his helmet with Baby Magic, rinse it, rinse it with alcohol and then rinse it with water and scrub the pads with a wash cloth to ensure that the alcohol is off so it will not dry out his baby skin. Then his helmet air dries for thirty or forty minutes, but before Chase puts it on he dries all the pads by using a towel to squeeze the excess water off. WHEW! What a routine. Although it is not down to a perfect science at this point it is getting better. I will just be excited once summer is over and maybe he won’t be so sweaty and we won’t have to worry about so much of all of this. But we will see!

On Wednesday, we went up to KC for a follow up. Originally we were going to just see our orthotist but once all the issues with Cannon’s incisions and dry skin began our surgeon wanted to see him too. I was relieved to see both as I really felt as though I had a lot of questions and wanted to see what both thought of his healing. God was faithful again and showed his faithfulness in such a real and concrete way that I seriously had such a song of praise in my heart after both appointments.

During our visit, the nurse and surgeon were very impressed with the healing of Cannon’s incisions. I told them about all of the previous stated care that is going into ensuring that those babies heal beautifully and they also thought that the dry skin was looking so much better than from the pictures I sent last Thursday! YEAH!

Then came one of my most important questions. Is there new bone growth? I was so anxious about this question because I had told Chase sometime in the last week or two that I really thought there were new little islands of bone growing. So finally the official opinion that counts….YES!!! Yes, Cannon has three very little, but very evident islands of new bone!!!! We were ecstatic! We had been told that often this does not happen until three months post-op, but I was so hopeful! God showed us that through it all he is ever present! I know that one would think that as the bone regrows it would grow perhaps like large section that fills in, however, as Cannon’s dura mater signals to his bone that it needs to regrow the bone will regrow in little spurts or islands that actually try to grow up. They do get thicker and bigger and will eventually fill in altogether and then the bone will fuse again but for now this is why the helmet is SO important. This encourages and forces the new bone to grow flat and out to fill in where the skull is now gone. The fact that we have bone growth encourages my soul so much! We are so thankful for so many prayers and God’s ultimate healing ability.

Our second question was perhaps one of the most intimidating. This was whether the genetic test had come back showing whether or not craniosynostosis in Cannon’s case was a genetic mutation. If so, Cannon would then have the possibility to have syndromes or also the possibility to pass the genes onto his children. What a heartbreaking choice he would have to make. But what was even perhaps more heartbreaking would have been the thought that if it was a genetic mutation then that meant that Chase or I had a gene that caused this awful journey to occur. So as I asked, I asked with the thought that maybe it would just be best not to know. But I asked anyway. The nurse did some looking through his file and finally there it was. No. No, Cannon’s craniosynostosis was not caused by a genetic mutation! Although, this leaves many unanswered questions, the thought that it was not a genetic mutation leaves me hope that perhaps this truly is just a random occurrence for us that would not necessarily happen again if Chase and I have more children and Cannon also does not need to worry about passing on a gene to his children!

We will soon be returning and our goal for Cannon in this coming appointment is for him to have his cranial index, width of his head to increase. Although it already has dramatically increased there was no difference from his last visit. I am so excited about his bone growth that it almost seems unreal but it is! Thank you to those of you who are still keeping us in your thoughts and prayers!

God is faithful!